Email to The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Artemis Jones wrote to the genius who is "Bobby" of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster having left a few comments on their website. Here's what he had to say:

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To: Bobby Henderson, of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
From: Artemis Jones
Date: 10/09/08

Dear Bobby,

My name is Artemis Jones, I am very pleased to make your acquaintance. you will forgive me if I do not shake your hand, this is for two reasons: firstly, I am half-Russian and where I come from it is very bad luck to shake hands with a stranger with your left hand.
I cannot shake your hand with my right hand, as I was bitten by a badger recently and any pressure on the healing wound causes me some discomfort AND secondly: This is an email and we cannot, at this stage, physically shake hands.
Perhaps, FSM willing, the day will come when we may meet in person and, FSM willing, on that day my right hand may be healed sufficiently for me to embrace your hand in my own hand and for us both to rapidly move our respective hands up-and-down in a "shaking" motion.

Until then, please excuse my apparent rudeness and accept the above explanation(s) for my lack of conventional greeting.

As you are probably aware, Gophuramungus has been functioning as a collaborative arts/blog project since a few moments after the Big Bang. Established by Furious Gopher and Mungus in those few seconds of violent sub-atomic particle collision, the website has, since then, attracted over 1000 followers, many of whom share our faith in the FSM.
I am writing to you to inform you that we have categorical proof in the existence of His Greatness the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Unfortunately, I wasn't there at the time, but Furious Gopher was and he described to me in detail that in the initial stages of the Universe's creation (a purely chemical/mechanical process, I should point out) he caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a vast being, made up entirely of a pasta-like substance which he later determined to be spaghetti. Unfortunately, cameras had not been invented at that stage; and would not be for many billions of years, but attached to this email is a very detailed, first-hand eye-witness sketch of what FG saw as he hurtled through space at 99.7% the speed of light.

I hope this will put the debate about the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to rest once and for all. I must leave now, for my macaroni is almost ready. Thank you for your time, you can contact me through:www.gophuramungus.com at any time, except Sundays between 3pm and 5.30pm, which is a 2 and 1/2 hour period I am never able to account for, due to pressing extra-terrestrial business. FSM be with you,

Best wishes,

A Jones