Found on Gumtree.com

Hi there,

I am a Japanese man who would like to meet Italian/Spanish girls for friendship.

I have been Italy and Spain twice and I like the culture, language, food and....people :) Really impressed. But I haven't got much chance to meet Italian/Spanish people in London, so I decided to place an ad on gumtree.

If you are interested in my country or friendship with me, feel free to contact to me.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,

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Dear Sir,

my name is Artemis Jones. I am a 54 year old English man and would be delighted to be your friend. We could attend art exhibitions together and discuss them later over iced-coffee at a nearby independent purveyor of tea and coffee.

In the evenings you could visit my home and help me to feed, clean and trim the feathers of my ever-increasing collection of parrots. Some of them are wonderful. One of them I am not so keen on, but he should not get in the way of our friendship.

We can stroll through the parks of London at the weekends, maybe holding hands. I could buy you a hotdog from that cheeky Bulgarian vendor in Hyde Park. We could laugh at the young children and their naivety and shoot disapproving looks at teenagers smoking drugs.

We could experiment with all the different cuisines of the world, starting with Peru, then Afghanistan, then Norway and so on in that fashion until we find the tastiest recipes of all.

We could go on Dragon's Den together and pitch them our ideas about floating binoculars, self-cleaning socket wrenches and websites to help people get over the loss of a parrot.

I'm afraid I'm not remotely intersted in your country, and since I am English and not a girl you may not want to be my friend, but I am sure that if you give me a chance we could be walking down the civil-partnership aisle and honeymooning in Skegness in no time.

Whaddya say?


AJ