Cleaner Urgently Needed

Date posted: Thursday 7th August

Location: London

I need honest, trustworthy, understanding & hardworking clearner
please apply to the details or email HERE

-----

Dear Future Employer,

I read your advertisement with a great deal of interest and would like to offer you my services as a "cleaner". I have been employed by many different groups and organisations to "clean" their problems and I am sure I would be able to "sort out" your problems for you in an incredible "acceptable" manner.

I am somewhat light on my references, however, as most of my contractors would prefer me to keep the nature of the "cleaning jobs" I do for them secret, particularly Governments, who often feel they have the most to lose in such matters. Suffice it to say, I am accurate within a 3" grouping at 600 yards with a wide variety of different "cleaning products" but will always prefer short-range "cleaning accessories" wherever possible.

I am a fun, bubbly and honest man; there is nothing more reliable than a man whose trust can be purchased with hard currency. I am not a huge fan of deception, betrayal or any attempts to photograph me or to capture my face or my voice on any form of recording equipment; this is absolutely unacceptable and may affect my ability to "clean" things properly. And we can't have things being messy now, can we?

Please let me know when you would like me to start and where my first "cleaning job" is.

My rates are extremely reasonable, there will be an up-front fee and an additional "expenses fee" for "cleaning jobs" outside the European Union as these incur passport "issues". I will then require a final payment on completion of the "cleaning job" you have assigned, though these prices may be negotiable depending on the amount of "cleaning" required and the methods of "cleaning" you would like me to employ.

If you would like to know more, please do not hesitate to contact me at your earliest convenience, I look forward to your response.

Kind Regards,

Artemis Jones

artemisjones@rocketmail.com

----

Thanks for showing interest...

Am preparing to travel soonest.... reason why i posted an advert.
I need a good Cleaner who is willing and ready to take care of House...

Please i need below details:

Your Full Name:
Address:
Town:
County:
Postal Code:
Phone:
Sex:
Age:
Marital Status:
Your Reference Number:
Your Bank Name:
Your Current Job & Position:

My Offers:

Time Duration: 5-6hrs Daily
Payment Option: Bank Transfer
Amount: 10Gbp Per Hour.
Location: Fulham

I await your kind reply
Thank you

----

Dear Sir,

I regret to inform you that I will be unable to supply you with a great deal of the information you have requested.

The means of communication you should employ, should you be interested in securing my "services" shall be thus. I will send you, by postal communication, a telephone number. The telephone number, when dialled, will cause a telephone to ring in a room somewhere in Europe.

You will need to explain the specifics of what you would like to have "cleaned" to the person who answers the telephone. At that point, a coded transmission will be passed on to me and I will "take it from there". You and I will never meet.

These are my terms.

I assume the "10Gbp per hour" is either a typing error or some kind of joke. Please clarify. An hourly rate is somewhat unusual for this line of work and I can only surmise that "House" is some kind of code-word for your "cleaning target". Very sensible.

Here are the answers to the questions in your last email:

Your Full Name: CLASSIFIED AND IRRELEVANT

Address: NO KNOWN ADDRESSES

Town: CLASSIFIED

County: CLASSIFIED

Postal Code: CLASSIFIED

Phone: You will be contacted by mail with a phone number

Sex: Male

Age: CLASSIFIED

Marital Status: My line of work does not lend itself to close inter-personal relationships. Such is the "cleaning" business

Your Reference Number: B700-QRSTTVU-X111-D7

Your Bank Name: CLASSIFIED and I prefer unmarked Euros (100's and 50's)

Your Current Job & Position: "Cleaning professional" -contractual self-employment.

I look forward to "cleaning out" your "House".

Thank you,

A Jones.

----