New Blog!

Yo, sup dawg.

I've moved this blog now. Which is nice.

Save this URL

http://furiousgopher.blogspot.com/

and visit it once per week or I'll be round your house with a mallet and a hockey mask before you have time to empty your bowel fully.

It'll take me a little while to put up all the old posts, so bear with me. In the meantime, here's a new piece of mischief from Artemis Jones:

The "troll" is back!

A troll is someone who uses the internet to create chaos in the name of absurdity, immaturity and fun. Having been kicked off Yahoo Answers, Artemis Jones is back to applying for all manner of different stuff. We apologise for his change of voice, we do that now and then to keep it fresh.

AJ found this advert online:

The flat is a 1st floor Victorian conversion in a quiet leafy road, 5 minutes walk from INFORMATION REMOVED. Great for commuting into INFORMATION REMOVED. I am tidy and friendly, but very much appreciative of my own space and would respect my flatmate`s too. Rent includes all bills and includes wireless broadband. The flat is clean, tidy and while not "posh" has exposed floor boards, fireplaces and some character. I am looking for a flat-mate who is , clean, tidyish and friendly. Guests are fine, but the flat is very much for 2 people any more and it would feel crowded, basically, the room is not suitable for a couple. A mature / post-grad. student would be welcome, I am a part-time post-grad. student, the flat is a ten minute walk from Goldsmith`s College. I am happy to consider anybody as a flat-mate! Anon.

----- Here was the email Artemis sent:

Hello. My name is Artemis.

I`m interested in renting your room.

You say the house is "gay friendly" -this implies that you`re tolerant and open-minded, which is very good news indeed as I am on the sex offender`s register.

I`ll give you a little background about myself: I am a 32 year old ex school teacher (that`s another story for another time) with quite a serious addiction to meth.

The great thing about meth is that you can stay up really, really late and not feel tired. You also don`t need any exercise to stay slim as you don`t need much food either, which gives you lots more money just to smoke more meth and go on and on and on like that for ages. Which is really, really cool. Still; you`ve probably heard enough about my meth addiction for one day, we can discuss it in more detail sometime; say... over meth? Nice. What else?

I`m into Japanese hentai films, which are basically manga but porno. They involve demons and stuff with massive phallic appendages doing terrible things to pretty much anything that moves. If you guys are into hentai then I`m sure we`ll get along really well.

I`m in the AALF (the anti-animal-liberation-front) which is an organisation which opposes pretty much anything which is done in the interests of animals. We wear only animal skin products and we believe that eating anything other than animals is cruel and unnecessary. Once per month we take slingshots and air guns into the forest and kill anything we can see in the trees or on the ground (not humans though, we`re not weird or anything). When we`re done we pile all the blue tits, pigeons, rabbits, red squirrels and robins in a heap and set it on fire with petrol and take off our clothes and have a good old dance. It`s all good fun, you should come along sometime. Makes you feel like a man, if you know what I mean.

What else about me? I like reading and I`m particularly into anything by Mao, Mussolini and of course the great Adolph. I`m a fully paid-up member of the BNP and occasionally attend white supremacist rallies dressed all in white. It`s a lot of fun. You should come. Anyway, you can reach me on jonesartemis@yahoo.com any time you like, I don`t sleep much. But I`m not creepy or anything.

Look forward to being your new room mate!

AJ

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(He also sent the above picture of himself. Let's see if he gets a response.)