Perceptions

I never used to like students.

I still dont, as it happens, I think theyre awful.

However, I was a student for five years, so I suspect during that time I probably put my prejudices aside and got on with it. Now Ive graduated I think theyre awful again.

I never used to like “suits” either, I thought they were sellouts; prostitutes of the man, wankers who talk about motorways recreationally:

“The A338? Great bit of road that.”

and go to “cocktail parties” and represent everything which is sick in this capitalist society. But at this point in my life I wear a suit every day. Funny old world, innit.

I think the most notable example of my becoming the very thing that you hate is surfing. Youve seen surfers, right? With their tans and their designer beachwear and their “Im better than anyone else” attitudes, right? Yeah, you know what Im talking about. You know the guys who travel from central London to Britains coasts in their VW Transporters and when they get there have the audacity to complain about “tourists” as though their surf-boards automatically make them locals. Wankers.

And now? Now I surf. I surf in my surf-kayak, admittedly, but Im starting to really get what all these bastards I despise are talking about; starting to understand that look in their eye as they gaze out to sea. Hell, Im even starting to use their words: “Clean, blown-out, impact zone, power pocket…” the list goes on. Every day as I sit (in my off-the-rack M&S suit pretending to be a proper person) at my computer it gets to about 3.15 and I start looking out the window, willing 5pm to come round a bit sooner so I can speed home and get out on the water.

I check Magic Seaweed for the days surf report every half hour, but invariably go out anyway irrespective of swell height, wind direction, rain. I look at the surf cams all the time, picking the best spot in advance. I trawl through eBay and Amazon looking for bargains on buoyancy, webbing, neoprene… the works.

I have dreams about engaging the “green, glassy face” of a wave with my paddle and pulling off a bottom turn with the crashing force of the ocean at my stern… man. Awesome. Radical. Cowabunga.

Im such a hypocrite.