The FG/GMP Bordeline Suicidal Guide to Surf Kayaking

Let us establish first up that I am no expert at surf-kayaking. Far, far from it.

Indeed, it is my very lack of experience and expertise that qualifies me to write this piece. If I really knew what I was talking about, this post would have a different title. As it happens, this season has been my first summer in the surf and I have been royally battered by the power of the ocean. As such, I would like to offer you a raw and 100% honest guide to this sport for absolute beginners who want to feel true terror.

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“Trust you to take something cool and sexy, like surfing, and make it gay by combining it with something lame and faggy, like kayaking.”

“Fuck you.”

End conversation.

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And so it goes. This is a niche sport, you will be despised by body-boarders, surf-boarders, wind-surfers and swimmers. Kayaks are very fast and you’re capable of paddling out through incoming surf much quicker than others in the water. This means you can be perceived as a hog, especially given that your ability to chase swell is also much greater than most other forms of surfer.

Add to this the fact that you’re sitting in a big, heavy lump of plastic and carrying a 2 meter (I actually use 194cm) metal pole with a sharp plastic blade on each end… surf kayakers can be a bit intimidating to other water users.

So my first tip: Ignore the fools and the morons, for they know not what they are talking about.

My second tip is “make sure you’ve got all the right shit.”

Here is what that is:

1.) A surf-kayak. I use a Dagger “Juice”. It’s seven feet, two inches long and heavily rockered (scooped at the bow and the stern to get through big waves) and has nice comfortable seating. And a water-bottle, it’s got a water bottle in it too.
2.) A spray deck. Get a bolt-on neoprene spray deck and make sure it’s not too tight. If it is too tight it’s take forever to fit it. More importantly, it should pop off easily when you bail.
3.) A paddle. Get a proper surf-kayak paddle. These have shaped blades to better engage the wave and are not too long (like I said, about 194cm is pretty average for someone 6 footish) shorter paddle means shorter strokes and ultimately more maneuverability and control.
4.) A shortie wetsuit (3mm). This should be fine for summer usage (mine worked fine in April). I think longer wetsuits restrict your flexibility; and you need to be flexible.
5.) Neoprene gloves (5mm) for your wee hands.
6.) Neoprene booties for your feet.
7.) A buoyancy jacket (using a wind-surfing one, which is gel/foam filled and smooth on the outside will create less drag than those other ones which suck).
8.) A helmet. For you head. Get a watersports helmet from Protech maybe. I have one, but haven’t felt the need to use it yet.
9.) A car, a roofrack and some straps. And a bike chain, to chain your kayak to your car when it’s unattended.
10.) Two inflatable buoyancy bags for the stern of your kayak. these have no effect whatsoever, until the kayak fills with water, at which point they become incredibly handy.

That should be all you need.

Next, pick a nice beach somewhere with some decent waves and paddle out through them until you’re near the back of the swell. If you are paddling head-on into a white wave, it might be worth leaning right back in the cockpit at the last minute, to raise the front of your kayak and help the wave pass effortlessly under you. If you get tipped bow-over-stern when you do this, the wave is too big for this technique, so you need to “punch-through”. This involves putting in a few quick strokes to build up speed, holding your paddle up over your head (to a} give you balance and b} prevent the paddle from smacking you in the face when the wave hits you) bending your head down and letting the wave break over the top of you. Both techniques require one or two strong strokes on the other side of the wave to get you free of their drag and to restore your balance.

Once you’re at the back, pick your moment. When you see some nice swell building behind you, angle yourself at about 45 degrees to the wave, towards the beach and paddle like crazy. If you’re moving too slowly when the wave hits you, your nose will stall and you’ll be flipped arse-over-tit. You need as much speed as you can manage. The aim is to catch the seaward edge of your kayak (or the seaward “rail”) in such a way that it bites into the face of the wave and you can control the kayak almost entirely by shifting your weight around and balancing carefully. If you time it right, the wave will be about the break (kayakers call the break-point the “power pocket”) and you will be shooting sideways down the face of the wave away from the white water behind you. To steady yourself, adjust your trim or your speed or to pull off a sweet, long turn; lean into the wave with the seaward blade of your paddle. This is “engaging” the wave. You can also use the beachward paddle as a rudder, to direct you back up the face of the wave or to point more directly towards the beach to build speed.

Congratulations, you’re surf-kayaking.

Some pointers for you:

Practice “bongo sliding” (as Simon Hammond calls it) which is sitting side-on the a white wave and letting it hit you like that. Adjusting your balance will help you understand how your kayak’s edges work. When you get it right, you skim towards the beach sideways. This is fun in its own right, but it is also good practice for surfing big green waves, as you can slide a little between moves.

Practice getting totally wiped out by a wave. I’m not going to lie, this scares the bejesus out of me. There is no feeling like being trapped upside down in your cockpit while a wave relentlessly breaks over you. Still, you need to know how to handle it and how to roll up or bail out. The best ways to get completely obliterated by a wave are: 1.) Paddle head-on towards a green wave which is about the break. At the last minute, take a deep breath and lean back as hard as you can. 2.) Face the beach and wait for a massive white wave. You’ll hear it coming. Don’t paddle, just sit still. Effectively, your bow will be stationary as your stern picks up a lot of speed. This is the recipe for a delicious wipeout.

Get out there on the water as often as you can. I go most days after work and as often as I can at weekends and I still suck. There is no substitute for experience, especially with an activity which requires as much balance and focus as this one.