The Guardian

OK, so I work in Press and PR for a “retail” company in the South West of England, right?

I was recently given an online demonstration of a news-wire system, which helps you find journalists who write about subjects connected with your outgoing press releases. During the demonstration I managed to see; and quickly jot down, about eight Guardian journalists who write about the industry I work in. (Cheeky, but opportunistic of me.)

The same day, I wrote a press release about a new area manager we’ve just taken on, who will be overseeing some stores in the north of England. He was in the army for about 3 months (10 years ago); and before working in the industry he had his own business selling fish, which he sold after a couple of years. He’s been selling stuff ever since. -Not exactly a Watergate story, but the kind of stuff I have to write and distribute every day.

Anyway, I thought I’d include (for shits and giggles) one of the Guardian reporters on the mailing list for this press release. Here was our email exchange:

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From: Me
To: A bunch of different “undisclosed industry” Trade Magazines, local papers and… The Guardian

Good Afternoon,

Please find attached the latest press release from my company
There is also a photograph of our new Area Manager; this is also available in high-resolution, please let me know if you would like to get hold of it.

Additional quotes from, or interviews with key personnel can be arranged through me at your request.

Thanks for your time,

Regards,

Me

—–

To: Me
From: A Guardian Reporter

I have no idea how I got on your mailing list but I’d appreciate it if you took me off it immediately.

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To: Guardian Journalist
From: Me

Dear “Guardian Journalist”,

I’m very sorry that you weren’t interested in this story.

I will take you off the mailing list; please let me know if you would be interested in any other information about the UK’s 3rd largest undisclosed product company.

Thank you,

Me

—–

To: Me
From: Guardian Journalist

thanks - I’m afraid grassroots-level staff moves are unlikely to make it into any newspaper.

—–

To: Guardian Journalist
From: Me

Even if he owned his own fish business?!

—–

To: Me
From: Guardian Journalist

ha! Nice try …

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And that’s how it ended. I told my Bro about this and he said:

“Please continue to harass and tease Guardian journalists. See yourself as a kind of karmic fury for all the annoying stuff in their smug little rag. You’re doing it for all of us.”